Forgive and Reconcile

As mentioned previously, heaven is a perfect place. Therefore, qualities such as hate, envy, resentfulness, bitterness, etc., just don’t belong there. We must be honest with ourselves and determine if we carry any such qualities within us. If we do, and we would like to go to heaven, we must shed those negative qualities.

Those qualities may have various underlying causes that require self-reflection, but generally speaking, there are few antidotes for them. The antidotes are understanding, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

Understanding how the situation came to be and how or why the other party trespassed against us is, in my opinion, the most difficult task. Often we are met with the idea that the trespasser is justified for committing such acts against us, which we simply cannot accept. At this crossroad, it is very important to make the distinction that although we understand how or why the trespasser was motivated to behave in a particular way, we don't condone it. It is not acceptable. It is wrong. Nonetheless, we understand, and now that we understand we can move onto the next steps, forgiveness and reconciliation.

Henry Cloud and John Townsend point out the distinctions with these two remedies. In their book, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, forgiveness is an action taken by the victim alone. They describe forgiveness as one-way process to remove baggage off the victim's property so that it no longer has a hold. Nothing is needed from the other party. Reconciliation, on the other hand, requires the cooperation of both parties. It is an attempt to repair what has been damaged, and an agreement is to be made between all parties involved regarding how not to damage the relationship in the same way again. It can even predetermine the course of action that should be taken in the event there is a repeat offense.

If you need a great story on forgiving your enemy, please check out The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. That book is living testimony that to err is human; to forgive, divine. Another good book on forgiveness, though fictional, is The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity by William P. Young. The Shack is also available on DVD and streaming.

I have crossed paths with many people in my life who have had deep wounds from long ago. Some of which were from childhood, and the offense was from another adult who may have passed on. In such cases, professional help maybe needed, so please seek help as appropriate.

Remembering that heaven has no place for relational imperfections, please take care to forgive others, and when possible (not if possible), do your part to reconcile. Reconciliation is a two-way street and it won't happen until both parties make an attempt to repair the damage to the relationship. Until then, we still owe our trespasser/spiritual sibling some form of assertive communication that we wish to reconcile. Until it the day of reconciliation comes, please pray for a day where you two will soon reconcile such that all the damage done to your relationship is water under the bridge.

Understanding, forgiveness, and reconciliation are necessary tools of love. As we go through this imperfect world and experience its varying trials and evils, we must always remember to quickly utilize these tools to release us from the burden of others' sins and trespassing. Otherwise, we not only fall victim to the trespass, but remain victim to shouldering the pain of the burden, hindering us of obtaining heaven.