Foster Relationships

1) Words of Affirmation

On the page, Serving with Loving-Kindness, I defined "love" as "kind, patient, humble, selfless, protecting, encouraging, persevering, and never-failing." I also defined "kindness" as "generous, considerate, thoughtful, respectful, courteous, friendly, gentle, and compassionate" and "Loving-kindness" combines all of the above. Affirming our friends and loved ones with words is an act of love. Hence, Gary Chapman categorized it as a "love language." Being that it's an act of love, it should contain all of the above.

2) Quality Time

Before my father passed away, I remember that we'd almost always have family dinners every evening. Our family was traditional. My dad worked and my mom stayed at home to care for the five of us. She'd cook dinner for us so that we can enjoy quality time together around the dinner table. After my father passed away, I remember that dinner became less and less structured over the years. In addition to less structured dinners, our family prayer time also diminished slowly. It was an unfortunate trend that eroded away our family unity. I can't pinpoint the exact reasons for the reducing cohesion, but I'd do things differently now that I understand the negative long-term consequences.

If you're having family dinners and are praying together every night, I'm incredibly happy for you! Keep up the great work! If family dinners and prayer nights are occasional or rare, I highly recommend slowly increasing those opportunities. Remember that how and where we spend our time is indicative of our priorities. As parents, how are we modeling what's important to our children?

Growing up, my siblings and I absolutely LOVE playing board games together, particularly strategy games. Although I was allowed to play video games in my youth, there's a special dimension to board games that video games can't parallel. Therefore, I'm dedicating this page to board game recommendations. Every game recommended there is one that I've owned in the past or still currently own.

From time to time, we'd go out together and catch a movie. It was rare, though, because we were conservative with our money. We weren't well off, especially after my father wasn't around. Oftentimes, we'd just wait until movies became available on rentals. However, on rare occasions, we'd go to the movie theater and catch an action movie together. Great times!

3) Receiving Gifts

Whatever the deep drive is that gives us the need to receive gifts, it's a need that needs to be recognized. Even ascetics who have renounced everything worldly still have a need for the material. Namely, they need clothing and shelter, and these would be the bare minimum gifts that they'd graciously receive. A deep drive to receive grand, expensive gifts may be a disordered attachment, but we wouldn't be justified for "fixing" this drive within our spouse, significant other, family, or friend. This drive may be rooted in some sense of security that can only be addressed when the person is willing and able.

In a stricter sense, it's the material that gives meaning to the symbolic or immaterial, e.g. promise/engagement rings and wedding bands. Additionally, we human beings are both spiritual and physical in nature, not just one or the other. Therefore, only when signs are made physical or are expressed outwardly can they be made apparent to others. It is very likely for this reason that receiving gifts meets the particular need of the recipient.

4) Acts of Service

Back to the page on Serving with Loving-Kindness, an act of service would be a selfless act. Being that love leads to sacrifice and service, an act of service would be at the core of a loving act. Acts of service can vary in size and also vary in impact. Something as simple noticing how busy a friend or spouse is and helping out with some of his/her chores can mean so much. Perhaps filling up the gas tank of a roommate or spouse ahead of time and saving the person time that they hadn't allocated for the chore would make him/her ever so grateful. A nice back massage or a foot massage after a long, stressful day can go great lengths as well. Better yet, just listening to some venting is therapeutic for the one sharing.

I haven't read The 5 Love Languages in many months, but those are just some thoughts that come to mind to love and serve.

5) Physical Touch

This language is more geared toward couples, but I would like to share some thoughts for its use outside intimate relationships.

Going back to the idea that human beings are both spiritual and physical, it's the physical that makes the spiritual visible. Therefore, to express affection for one another, we do so with our bodies. A high-five, a handshake, a hug, a kiss, etc. are all physical expressions.

I'm male, and I understand that there's this stigma for men to be soft and needy. I'm expected to carry out a façade that I can bear the weight of the world on my shoulders with no problem. Unfortunately, that's unrealistic. The truth is sometimes we just need a hug. In this fast-paced world, do we get so burnt out and stressed that we say to ourselves, "I can really use a hug right now" and no one is around? That can be a tough situation.

The next time you see a that a spiritual brother or sister of yours is in despair or his heavily burdened, ask "Would you like a hug?" You may be pleasantly surprised that you were exactly what your spiritual sibling needed at that exact moment.