Serve with Loving-Kindness

August 21, 2022

How does service, particularly service with loving-kindness help us to prepare for the afterlife? Bear in mind that highest realm in heaven is a perfect place. It is a place where all beings love perfectly. If we fall short of loving perfectly, we don't belong there. Therefore, it is in our best interest to learn how to love as best we can in this life so that we can pass through to the next and achieve the highest possible realm in the afterlife.

In 2013, my wife and I went to a 3-day Christian retreat together. It was called Caritas and was led by Rev. Tri Dinh. The retreat itself had very compelling experiences, but one saying I found to be profound was when Rev. Tri said, "Love always leads to service. We can serve without love, but we cannot love without service."

As obvious as that may have sounded to some, I had to think about it for a moment before I accepted it as truth. I pondered further, "How often did I serve without love? And how many times did I love without serving, i.e. provided lip service or flat out failed to love?" And what is love?

The Caritas retreat answered that last question. In fact, the retreat revolved around that theme, love, since "caritas" is Latin for love. "Charity" may be the closest English translation, but it doesn't capture the full essence of the Latin term. Perhaps the term "love" in English has too many different parts of speech and various definitions associated with each part, which can confuse the equivalent meaning of the term "caritas." In its greatest form, love is an action verb--genuine, compassionate, and selfless in nature.

At Christian weddings, we may hear readings that state, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." How often do we fall short of that? Personally, I've fallen short countless times.

What then is loving-kindness? It is an attitude that must first start from within. We can't give what we don't have. Attitudes and virtues aren't economic goods that can be borrowed or traded, and hence, we cannot give them to others unless we first own them. Love is kind, patient, humble, selfless, protecting, encouraging, persevering, and never-failing. Kindness is generous, considerate, thoughtful, respectful, courteous, friendly, gentle, and compassionate. Loving-kindness combines all of the above.

If we can treat ourselves with love and kindness as described above, we have owned loving-kindness and it is a part of us. Thus, we can approach others and treat others with the same love. You may wonder, "All those positive attitudes can be so difficult to choose, especially during times of stress and despair. I grew up in a negative environment and struggled with being loving and kind." Brothers and sisters, we are in the same boat, you and I. I still struggle with those positive attitudes, but with time, space, and grace, we can overcome it. A book I found incredibly helpful is the following: Addicted to the Monkey Brain: Change the Programming that Sabotages Your Life by J.F. Benoist. Benoist uses mindfulness practices to help his patients overcome the negative self-talk and other bad habits learned in the early years of life. Growing up as a Christian, I've found that following Christian commandments are incredibly difficult. We are commanded to love and to be perfect, but weren't given many tools to follow such commandments. I have had to look outside of Christianity for help, and one of the most, if not the most, useful tool I found is mindfulness meditation.

Mindfulness meditation allows for an increase in the delay from stimulus to response. Instead of having kneejerk reactions, we can choose to respond in a more appropriate manner. Setting aside 5-10 minutes per day initially is a good start and increasing it to about 20-30 minutes per day is ideal. The goal is to eventually be present at every moment of each day, which can take many years or a lifetime to master. It may feel like a waste of time to sit and do nothing, except being mindful and present of each breath taken; but the mental health and spiritual benefits can be phenomenal. Do you or someone you know suffer from anxiety? Practicing mindfulness has the ability to prevent panic attacks. Healthcare providers have been slowly encouraging the use of mindfulness meditation in the last few decades.

I came across a guided mindfulness meditation practice in 2013 in a CD by Jon Kabat Zinn. I believe this is the same version of that CD: Guided Mindfulness Meditation Series 2. I hope that the referenced media are helpful to you as they have been to me.

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